Secrets To a Happy Long-Term Relationship

There are a few things that stand out when it comes to having a happy long-term relationship.  This is the first of a series about secrets to a happy long-term relationship.

One way to remain happy together is to be separate too.  Having time and interests to yourself mean that you are autonomous and a separate individual in the relationship.  Healthy, positive relationships are a coming together of two full people, not a merging a two half-people making a whole.  This is a myth – period.

Generally, couples struggle when it comes to finding the balance between togetherness and separateness. When couples are experiencing trouble in their relationship, they often try to spend more time together and become inseparable.  This is a common, but ineffective, solution.  Of course you will continue to spend quality time together as a couple, but it does not need to be every waking moment – it is all about balance.  Studies show that desire for one’s partner comes when there is some distance and space.  So go out and enjoy your own hobbies!

Watch this video for more infomation:  http://on.ted.com/Perel 

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Secrets To a Happy Long-Term Relationship - Part II

Indulge yourself.  This may seem counterintuitive, but it works. Generally, we help care for one another in relationships, but this only truly works well when you are also continuing to care for and about yourself. Take the time to do something for you and only you at least once a week (I’d prefer once daily, but this may seem like a giant goal for some).  This does not have to be something expensive or timely.  It is just about mindfully spending time and energy on you – the most important person in your life.

Sometimes we relate self-indulgence with selfishness, but this is another misconception.  Taking the time to make yourself happy by taking a walk, going to the gym, or listening to your favorite music, ultimately makes you better at everything you do.  It will ultimately make you a better mom/dad, co-worker, boss, friend and partner because you are calmer and more present with others.  Self-sacrificing will eventually lead to low energy, burnout, fatigue, and negative moods.  Try adding more self-indulgence into your day/week/year and notice how it benefits your relationship.

Find more on Kimberly's "Finding Your Voice" Blog at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-17

Secrets To a Happy Long-Term Relationship - Part III

Another common misconception is that a long-term couple’s sex life remains as active and passionate as the day they met.  If not, there is something wrong.  Again, this is not the case.  One way to keep the passion and desire alive in a long-term relationship is to plan it.  Contrary to popular belief, you can plan times to be passionate (in addition to being spontaneous). 

 Studies show that within long-term relationships, arousal is often secondary to getting started.  Often, women and even some men, do not have as much sexual desire until after they start “fooling around.”  So, just take the initiative or go with it even when you are not feeling particularly frisky.  You might be surprised.  (Note: If you do not become aroused after some time however, please do not continue.)

Find more on Kimberly's "Finding Your Voice" Blog at http://wp.me/2H9sB