New Year, New You - Part I

“Life is a journey, not a destination.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Keep this in mind throughout 2015, especially as you attempt to makes some changes in your life.

 Here are a few new ideas to aim for in 2015:

1. Rather than make any resolutions this year, try to set daily intentions for yourself.  This helps you take one day or one moment at a time, rather than the entire year all at once. 

People usually do not succeed with their New Year’s resolutions because they try to change too much all at the same time.  Learn from this mistake and slow down and be nicer to yourself.  Take little bit by little bit and make longer lasting change in your life and over your lifetime.

I think it is most helpful when you write down your intentions, but some people find it effective just to state them inwardly to him/herself each morning before getting out of bed.  Whatever works for you is great.  Set your intention by saying or writing down something like,

“My intention for today is to… 1. Drink only one cup of caffeinated coffee.  2. Exercise at the gym for at least 30 minutes.  3. Meditate for at least 10 minutes before going to bed tonight.  4. Watch only one hour of television.  5. Read at least one chapter in my book.

2. Reduce your intake of caffeine.  People often come to me because they notice a heightened sense of anxiety.  It seems most of the people in this country are anxious lately.  One of the first things I ask people to do is to start paying attention to how you feel with and without so much caffeine.  Just experiment for a period of time and you will notice how revved up and anxious you probably get while drinking too much coffee or any caffeinated beverage (sodas, energy drinks, etc.).  

I have noticed a huge difference in myself when it comes to cutting back on caffeine, and I bet you will too.  If I mindfully decide to have a coffee, I make it small and drink it slowly.  Still I notice how jittery it makes me now that I no longer drink it regularly.  It definitely increases my anxiety and acts like a drug in my system.  Notice for yourself!

NOTE: Do not go off these beverages cold turkey.  If you drink a few cups of coffee per day, cut back to two, then make the sizes smaller, and eventually cut down to one cup per day over time.  You will feel withdrawal effects, such as headaches, because your body has become accustomed to getting a specific jolt daily.  

There is more to come in Part II of New Year, New You...

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working primarily with women in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Visit my 'Finding Your Voice' blog at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1n.

Breaking Habits

I just finished reading the book "The Power Of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and thought I would share some of the powerful take-aways I have from this book.  It feels so good continue learning and growing in life and as a therapist.  I enjoy sharing the new research findings I come across, and this book opened my eyes to many new ways of thinking about habit forming and habit breaking.  I have already found this useful in my own life, and now hope sharing this information will be helpful in leading others to this book to read for themselves.  Here are a few of the major points I found interesting from "The Power of Habit":

• The reason for habits is to help the brain function automatically whenever possible to save energy.


• You can’t just stop a habit, you have to replace it with another habit.


• The habit loop consists of the Cue/Trigger - Routine - Reward


• To break a habit, you must determine the cue and reward and then change the routine.

Example: if the cue is biting your finger nails, why are you biting your nails?  Boredom, anxiety, tension?  Once you determine the cue or trigger, what is the habit’s reward?  Physical stimulation or a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment?  Now, what could you do to relieve boredom and/or anxiety and get a similar reward?

The first step is becoming mindful and aware of your actions.  To help do this, get an index card to carry with you throughout the days for about a week. When you begin to engage in the habit (i.e. biting finger nails) make a hatch mark on the index card.  This helps build your awareness of the cue/trigger.  Once aware of the cue, try to change the habit of biting your nails to something like gently rubbing your jaw to relieve the tension or tap your fingers on a desk to produce a physical response.  This will result in a similar reward, overriding the old habit with a new one.

• For habits to permanently change, people must believe that change is possible.  Groups are helpful in building and holding onto the power of belief because each individual member of the group sees other people able to make changes, therefore realizing it is possible for them too.  Belief is easier when it occurs within a community.

Example: If you want to quit smoking, figure out a different routine that will satisfy the cravings filled by the cigarettes.  Then, find a support system, a collection of other former smokers, or a social circle free of nicotine that will be there for you when you might stumble and help you believe you can make this change.

Happy Changing Habits in the New Year 2013!

 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Meditation Myths

Myth #1: Meditation is all about stopping your mind.   I often hear“I can’t meditate because I can’t stop my thoughts.”  This may be the number one reason I hear from people who have tried meditation but quit.  However, what’s important to understand is that thoughts are a natural (and necessary) part of meditation.  You are simply watching your thoughts, noticing them and not getting all wrapped up in them as much as possible.  Noticing is the key.  Notice your thoughts.  Notice any sensations you may have in your body.  Notice your judgments and try to let them go.

Myth #2: There is a right way and wrong way to meditate and I just can’t seem to get it right.  One of the biggest hurdles for me to get over with regard to meditating is that I might screw it up.  What if I open my eyes?  What if I get caught up in a thought?  What if I stop focusing on my breath?  Interestingly, I have become aware of the many “what if’s…” in my thoughts.  I have a lot of them.  When I can let go of “what if…” I am able to relax and not have so much worry and anxiety around meditation.  The best part is that this actually follows me into my everyday life.

It is a myth that one cannot open her eyes while meditating.  It is a myth that one cannot look at their watch or a clock – why not?  What’s wrong with knowing how long you’ve been sitting or walking?  The more we look at things as black and white, right and wrong, good and bad, we are setting ourselves up for failure or lack of trying.  Simply (ha! It’s sounds so simple, but I know it is not) notice how our thoughts operate and try to let go.

Myth #3: Meditation is a quick fix for all your problems.  While it is true that meditation can help to increase your clarity of mind, it is not an instant solution or quick fix. It takes consistent efforts and time to meditate before you develop mindfulness that permeates into everything you do in life. Meditation is not something that you whip out whenever you need a quick boost.  With cultivation, meditation can help with problem solving abilities because it helps people gain awareness and insight, and eventually changes perceptions.

Myth #4: Meditation has to be practiced for a long time to gain benefit. This is probably one of the biggest stumbling blocks for many people and I frequently hear people say (and catch myself thinking at times), “I am too busy to meditate, I don’t have the time…etc.” Throughout the day, I frequently engage in meditation techniques to center myself or create a state of calm, patience, or concentration.  The duration of these practices may last anywhere from 20 seconds to 1 minute. Many people have a hard time sitting down and staying still for more then five or ten minutes, therefore, I recommend starting slow by engaging in short meditation sessions.  Start where you are and do not convince yourself that it isn’t enough.  It is good enough.  The more you can practice in small, manageable sessions, the more you will see benefits and build upon what you learn and gain from the practice.

Myth #5: Meditation means sitting in an uncomfortable (lotus) position.  While sitting cross-legged on the floor works for some, you do not necessarily have to use it if you find it uncomfortable or painful.  There are many forms of meditation, at least in my opinion. There are formal meditation practice and informal.  I combine the two practices.  You can have a formal sitting practice, during which you either sit in a straight-backed chair, sit on the floor with legs straight out in front, or in cross-legged position (half-lotus). There are also formal practices of standing, walking, and lying-down meditation.  The key is to never compromise your safety for comfort. Sit with dignity and self-respect by keeping your spine and neck upright and neutral to prevent causing any injury to them.  You may shift your position; just try to do so mindfully.  There is nothing wrong with noticing you are uncomfortable and moving your legs, if you need/want.  Bring awareness to the discomfort and make your movement mindful.

Informal practice includes the many times throughout the day that you engage in meditation techniques and mindfulness.  This may include a time during the day when you become aware of your body and take the time to cultivate this awareness.  You may be driving and you notice yourself lose your temper and you calm down and bring yourself back to your breath.  There are a variety of ways to incorporate meditation into your day without necessarily sitting, however a formal practice will add a noticeable benefit even when it is for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night (which is what I am able to practice at this time).

 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Cultivating Gratitude

Isn’t it interesting how easily we seem to absorb the negative things in life, yet the positives just slip away? It’s as though the compliments, positive feedback, and the small things that bring us joy in life just slips through our fingers like water. Why is it so hard to hold onto the positives, while it is so easy to hold onto the negatives?

We tend to focus on the things that keep us alive. Think about it – if something negative happens, you want to remember that in the future in order to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. Right? It all goes back many years ago and evolutionarily our brains just haven’t changed all that much. We absorb and integrate what keeps us alive – how to avoid getting attacked by a tiger – and forget the wonderful, joyous, and lovely positives because we do not need to hold onto them in order to live.

Focusing on the negative aspects of life causes great anxiety in some people. To help relieve some of this anxiety, we need to adapt our way of thinking. We must focus more on the positive and let go of the negatives much more consciously.

In order to cultivate a more positive mindset, start a gratitude journal. Try it for a week and notice any differences that may occur in this short time. Continue if it seems to work well for you.

Naturally, you will continue to notice the negatives; I promise they will not go away fully. However, your focus will hopefully change and you’ll start to notice more of the positives that occur throughout your day.

Gratitude Journaling:
• Write down at least 5 different things you are grateful or thankful for today.
• Try not to repeat items, but if you have to occasionally it’s okay.
• It is really about noticing all the amazing things that happen on a daily basis that don’t seem to get much attention. It also may create a desire to slow down and take advantage of certain things that you wouldn’t usually take time for in your day.
• Examples:
o I am grateful for the fact that I woke up this morning.
o I am thankful for seeing such a beautiful sunrise and taking the time to enjoy it.
o I am grateful for my morning cup of coffee.
o I am thankful for having healthy legs that carry me places all day long.


Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Anxiety's Grip

Five easy things to try when you are feeling anxious:

5 – Listen to music!  Find some music you haven’t listened to in quite some time.  It may just bring a smile to your face, make you dance or laugh.  Use music to help you get motivated to do something you’ve been meaning to do for a while – and then, do it.  Or, just listen to music that distract you and keeps you from thinking too much.

4 - Turn off the TV!  I know this won’t be a popular one, but we think that television has a calming effect on us and it doesn’t.  Studies show that watching TV actually shows less brain activity than sleeping.  TV is actually stressing us out, especially the news.  Try limiting yourself to one hour a day of television and don’t watch anything that may upset you (like the news) before you go to bed.

3 – Start writing.  Write about your emotions – what are you feeling right now.  Whenever you’re feeling anxious, take out a journal and write about other emotions/feelings going on for you at the same time.  You can even take this time to draw or paint – it doesn’t have to make sense, just create something for yourself and allow your inner child to express him/herself.  Try to let it be about the process of expression and not the product.

2 – Reconnect with your body.  Exercise is a good way to relieve anxiety and stress because you are paying attention to your body and realizing that you have a body.  We are often walking around like floating heads, living almost entirely in our minds and brains and neglecting to recognize that we also have a body.  Sometimes we want to ignore our body because we feel it betrayed us or we have some hatred toward it, so we don’t want to live in it.  Start slow if this last description seems to fit you.  Sometimes gentle forms of exercise like walking and yoga can feel better than a hard workout at the gym.  Do what works best for you at the moment and don’t worry about breaking your normal routine.  Changing your routine may actually help in reducing your anxiety as well.  Also, keep in mind that too much of anything, even healthy things like exercise, can actually be unhealthy – BALANCE is the key.

1 – BREATHE!  Another great way of reconnecting to your body is breathing.  Take a moment whenever you’re feeling anxiety, panic, or fear and put both feet flat on the floor and then just take a few slow, deep breaths.  Focus all your attention on your breath.  Follow the air as it goes in through your nostrils, into your lungs, and out of your mouth.  Notice the rise of fall of your belly as you breathe.  Slow down!  Take the time to listen to your body, rather than your mind for a moment.  You might be amazed at what you discover by just being in the moment.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.