Tools for Reducing Anxiety

Whether you are struggling with general anxiety or acute anxiety attacks, try some of these tried and true tools for reducing anxiety:

1 – Take a deep breath and pause.  It is a cliché (they are cliché’s for a reason – they are universal truths), but taking a few deep breathes and counting to 10 will trigger your parasympathetic nervous system and automatically decrease the affects of anxiety in your body.

2 – Change your environment for a moment.  If you’re in your office and you can take a brief break, try taking a walk outside and get some fresh air, nature, and change of scenery.  If you’re behind your desk/computer, try to go to a break room or walk to a co-workers office to chat for a minute and remove yourself from the screen.

2b - If you are not able to physically change your environment, take a moment to close your eyes and visualize yourself somewhere you would really like to be, like the beach/ocean, forest, mountains.  Even a 30-second mindful visualization can reduce anxiety and make you feel somewhat rejuvenated. 

3 – Notice your thoughts in generally, but also about the anxiety in the moment, and ask yourself, “Is it true?”  Often we belief our thoughts outright, and many times these thoughts are not actually true.  Sometimes we catastrophize, or make things much bigger than they are at the moment, and we can often project out into the future much further than seems reasonable or remotely useful.  Just ask, “Is it true?”  (For more information, look at www.ByronKatie.com and her books)

4 – Notice if you’re comparing yourself to someone else or yourself at a different time.  If you are, is this fair to you?  Usually, when we compare, we lose and it isn’t a fair representation for us at all.  If your answer is yes, try to refrain from this kind of comparison because it creates more anxiety, and reframe your thought process to include more kindness and compassion toward yourself.

5 – Contact someone you love and trust.  Create a support system of people you can rely on to help you look at your situations more realistically and with empathy and compassion.  Do not reach out to anyone who makes you feel worse or with whom you compare yourself.

6 – Focus on things that you’re grateful for today and take your attention away from the negative.  What are some really small things that went well for you today?  Keep it small and simple.  Did you enjoy smelling something fragrant on your way to work?  Did you make it to work safely and without incident?  Did you enjoy a nice breakfast or lunch today?  Did you enjoy seeing the sunrise? 

7 – Drink something warm or wash your hands under warm water.  Warmth can activate your parasympathetic nervous system and engage a relaxation response.

8 – Put your hands on your heart and say something nice, sweet, calming to yourself (inwardly or aloud).  You can also pat yourself around the collarbone area to engage the parasympathetic nervous system and acupressure points that engage a relaxation response as well.

9 – Exercise on a regular basis.  This releases all the feel-good chemicals and can balance you out more to relieve anxiety.  Do not set expectations too high; do what will work well for you (no comparisons).

10 – Watch less television, especially the news.  News triggers anxiety for many people and it can be beneficial to limit your exposure to the news.  Television in general can trigger and increase anxiety as a whole, so try to get out and live your life more fully and less vicariously through characters on TV.  TV is not the enemy and can be relaxing in moderation, but can be experienced as anxiety-provoking for some especially in large doses. 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice with offices in Doylestown, Pennsylvania and Midtown Manhattan, NYC. She specializes in working with people in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, intimacy issues, and related anxiety.  For more, please visit Kim’s ‘Finding Your Voice’ Blog.

Perfectionism

I recently listened to an interview with Brené Brown on Sounds True podcast, “Insights at the Edge,” during which she discusses perfectionism.  Dr. Brown defines perfectionism and reshapes it’s meaning for us all based on her research on vulnerability and shame.

In honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Week, which begins today, I thought I would share her insights and research findings on perfectionism, as they deeply resonate with me. 

Dr. Brown defines perfectionism as “a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: “If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

Perfectionism is defeating and self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. 

Perfection is an unattainable goal. 

Perfectionism is more about perception – we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable – there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying.

Perfectionism is addictive because when we do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it is because we were not perfect enough so rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to live, look, and do everything just right.

To overcome perfectionism we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the experiences of shame, judgment, and blame, and practice self-compassion.  When we can live compassionately and authentically, we begin to embrace our imperfections, rather than push them away and shame ourselves for having these vulnerabilities (we are only human after all). 

Take a few minutes today to search for talks given by Dr. Brown, begin reading one of her books, articles, or blogs, or listen to the Sounds True interview.  Give yourself permission to be imperfect.  Begin to cultivate a felt sense of healthy striving that feels more authentic than perfectionism.  Remember: You do not need to be perfect, only ‘good enough.’

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice with offices in Doylestown, Pennsylvania and Midtown Manhattan, NYC. She specializes in working with people in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, intimacy issues, and related anxiety.   For more, please visit Kim’s ‘Finding Your Voice’ Blog.

Breaking Habits

I just finished reading the book "The Power Of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and thought I would share some of the powerful take-aways I have from this book.  It feels so good continue learning and growing in life and as a therapist.  I enjoy sharing the new research findings I come across, and this book opened my eyes to many new ways of thinking about habit forming and habit breaking.  I have already found this useful in my own life, and now hope sharing this information will be helpful in leading others to this book to read for themselves.  Here are a few of the major points I found interesting from "The Power of Habit":

• The reason for habits is to help the brain function automatically whenever possible to save energy.


• You can’t just stop a habit, you have to replace it with another habit.


• The habit loop consists of the Cue/Trigger - Routine - Reward


• To break a habit, you must determine the cue and reward and then change the routine.

Example: if the cue is biting your finger nails, why are you biting your nails?  Boredom, anxiety, tension?  Once you determine the cue or trigger, what is the habit’s reward?  Physical stimulation or a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment?  Now, what could you do to relieve boredom and/or anxiety and get a similar reward?

The first step is becoming mindful and aware of your actions.  To help do this, get an index card to carry with you throughout the days for about a week. When you begin to engage in the habit (i.e. biting finger nails) make a hatch mark on the index card.  This helps build your awareness of the cue/trigger.  Once aware of the cue, try to change the habit of biting your nails to something like gently rubbing your jaw to relieve the tension or tap your fingers on a desk to produce a physical response.  This will result in a similar reward, overriding the old habit with a new one.

• For habits to permanently change, people must believe that change is possible.  Groups are helpful in building and holding onto the power of belief because each individual member of the group sees other people able to make changes, therefore realizing it is possible for them too.  Belief is easier when it occurs within a community.

Example: If you want to quit smoking, figure out a different routine that will satisfy the cravings filled by the cigarettes.  Then, find a support system, a collection of other former smokers, or a social circle free of nicotine that will be there for you when you might stumble and help you believe you can make this change.

Happy Changing Habits in the New Year 2013!

 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Are You Shoulding On Yourself?

Many of us spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how we should be feeling, what we should be doing, or what we should have done. Living in the land of shoulds usually makes us feel lost, wrong and/or bad.  It is rare that a should thought is positive in nature.  Most of our shoulds are a form of negative self-talk, a way we judge and put ourselves down.

The more time we spend reminding ourselves of the things we should be doing, the less motivated we become and the more anxious we feel about our lives.  This is because we are not honoring how we DO feel and what we ARE doing now.  Shoulds take us out of the present. We move away from what is true now and start contemplating the things we should have done in the past or the actions we should take in the future.  Living in the past or the future limits our ability to access our true power.  To transform your shoulds and ultimately feel more empowered in your life now, try the following:

First, take notice when you should yourself.  We often don’t even notice when we make these self-criticisms and self-judgments.

If you think it might be helpful, write down your personal list of shoulds, so that you can bring more awareness to them, not so you can judge your judgments.  Simply become aware with kindness; do not beat yourself up about your shoulds.  Your list may look something like this:

• I should eat better.


• I should be happy in this relationship.


• I should have gone for a walk instead of eating that cookie.

After you have taken some time to bring awareness to the fact that you do should on yourself at times, and you have identified some of these shoulds, start to explore what is present around the should.  You may want to write that down as well.  As you write, try to use the kind of language you might use with a very good friend.  Talk to yourself with compassion, love, and kindness.  Your list may look similar to this:

• Ok, I’m not eating well lately.  What is standing in my way?  Do I feel like I need to punish myself?  Why?  Do I want the way I feel emotionally to match the way I feel in the body?  Hmmm…Well, I am eating more junk food while I’m watching TV lately.  What’s that all about?  Maybe I’m feeling lonely and I watch TV to feel more connected and involved in life, but it just makes me feel more lonely and alone, so I eat to make myself feel better.  That isn’t really working though, is it?   (This can go on and on…)

• I’m just not happy in this relationship.  What do I feel?  What am I feeling right now?  It is not wrong if need something different or something more right now.  I feel really sad because I feel pressure to be happy and I’m not.  Maybe I can explore that sadness at my own pace and try not to just push it down or hold it inside so much.

• Yes, I originally wanted to go for a walk, but I ate the cookie instead.  Okay.  Let’s not be hard on myself and just start over.  I’m still a good person and I do love myself enough not to beat myself up for a slip.  Breathe and let go.

Moving forward continue to notice the next time (and the many times after) you use a should.  Notice.  Pause.  Slow down.  Breathe deeply a few times.  Bring yourself into the present.  Give yourself permission to feel the way you do now – it isn’t wrong.   Honor your true feelings.

It takes practice, learning to pause and not get dragged down by what seems to be wrong.  When we put down the ideas of what life shouldbe, we are free to truly see our life as it is now.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Meditation Myths

Myth #1: Meditation is all about stopping your mind.   I often hear“I can’t meditate because I can’t stop my thoughts.”  This may be the number one reason I hear from people who have tried meditation but quit.  However, what’s important to understand is that thoughts are a natural (and necessary) part of meditation.  You are simply watching your thoughts, noticing them and not getting all wrapped up in them as much as possible.  Noticing is the key.  Notice your thoughts.  Notice any sensations you may have in your body.  Notice your judgments and try to let them go.

Myth #2: There is a right way and wrong way to meditate and I just can’t seem to get it right.  One of the biggest hurdles for me to get over with regard to meditating is that I might screw it up.  What if I open my eyes?  What if I get caught up in a thought?  What if I stop focusing on my breath?  Interestingly, I have become aware of the many “what if’s…” in my thoughts.  I have a lot of them.  When I can let go of “what if…” I am able to relax and not have so much worry and anxiety around meditation.  The best part is that this actually follows me into my everyday life.

It is a myth that one cannot open her eyes while meditating.  It is a myth that one cannot look at their watch or a clock – why not?  What’s wrong with knowing how long you’ve been sitting or walking?  The more we look at things as black and white, right and wrong, good and bad, we are setting ourselves up for failure or lack of trying.  Simply (ha! It’s sounds so simple, but I know it is not) notice how our thoughts operate and try to let go.

Myth #3: Meditation is a quick fix for all your problems.  While it is true that meditation can help to increase your clarity of mind, it is not an instant solution or quick fix. It takes consistent efforts and time to meditate before you develop mindfulness that permeates into everything you do in life. Meditation is not something that you whip out whenever you need a quick boost.  With cultivation, meditation can help with problem solving abilities because it helps people gain awareness and insight, and eventually changes perceptions.

Myth #4: Meditation has to be practiced for a long time to gain benefit. This is probably one of the biggest stumbling blocks for many people and I frequently hear people say (and catch myself thinking at times), “I am too busy to meditate, I don’t have the time…etc.” Throughout the day, I frequently engage in meditation techniques to center myself or create a state of calm, patience, or concentration.  The duration of these practices may last anywhere from 20 seconds to 1 minute. Many people have a hard time sitting down and staying still for more then five or ten minutes, therefore, I recommend starting slow by engaging in short meditation sessions.  Start where you are and do not convince yourself that it isn’t enough.  It is good enough.  The more you can practice in small, manageable sessions, the more you will see benefits and build upon what you learn and gain from the practice.

Myth #5: Meditation means sitting in an uncomfortable (lotus) position.  While sitting cross-legged on the floor works for some, you do not necessarily have to use it if you find it uncomfortable or painful.  There are many forms of meditation, at least in my opinion. There are formal meditation practice and informal.  I combine the two practices.  You can have a formal sitting practice, during which you either sit in a straight-backed chair, sit on the floor with legs straight out in front, or in cross-legged position (half-lotus). There are also formal practices of standing, walking, and lying-down meditation.  The key is to never compromise your safety for comfort. Sit with dignity and self-respect by keeping your spine and neck upright and neutral to prevent causing any injury to them.  You may shift your position; just try to do so mindfully.  There is nothing wrong with noticing you are uncomfortable and moving your legs, if you need/want.  Bring awareness to the discomfort and make your movement mindful.

Informal practice includes the many times throughout the day that you engage in meditation techniques and mindfulness.  This may include a time during the day when you become aware of your body and take the time to cultivate this awareness.  You may be driving and you notice yourself lose your temper and you calm down and bring yourself back to your breath.  There are a variety of ways to incorporate meditation into your day without necessarily sitting, however a formal practice will add a noticeable benefit even when it is for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night (which is what I am able to practice at this time).

 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.