Tools for Reducing Anxiety

Whether you are struggling with general anxiety or acute anxiety attacks, try some of these tried and true tools for reducing anxiety:

1 – Take a deep breath and pause.  It is a cliché (they are cliché’s for a reason – they are universal truths), but taking a few deep breathes and counting to 10 will trigger your parasympathetic nervous system and automatically decrease the affects of anxiety in your body.

2 – Change your environment for a moment.  If you’re in your office and you can take a brief break, try taking a walk outside and get some fresh air, nature, and change of scenery.  If you’re behind your desk/computer, try to go to a break room or walk to a co-workers office to chat for a minute and remove yourself from the screen.

2b - If you are not able to physically change your environment, take a moment to close your eyes and visualize yourself somewhere you would really like to be, like the beach/ocean, forest, mountains.  Even a 30-second mindful visualization can reduce anxiety and make you feel somewhat rejuvenated. 

3 – Notice your thoughts in generally, but also about the anxiety in the moment, and ask yourself, “Is it true?”  Often we belief our thoughts outright, and many times these thoughts are not actually true.  Sometimes we catastrophize, or make things much bigger than they are at the moment, and we can often project out into the future much further than seems reasonable or remotely useful.  Just ask, “Is it true?”  (For more information, look at www.ByronKatie.com and her books)

4 – Notice if you’re comparing yourself to someone else or yourself at a different time.  If you are, is this fair to you?  Usually, when we compare, we lose and it isn’t a fair representation for us at all.  If your answer is yes, try to refrain from this kind of comparison because it creates more anxiety, and reframe your thought process to include more kindness and compassion toward yourself.

5 – Contact someone you love and trust.  Create a support system of people you can rely on to help you look at your situations more realistically and with empathy and compassion.  Do not reach out to anyone who makes you feel worse or with whom you compare yourself.

6 – Focus on things that you’re grateful for today and take your attention away from the negative.  What are some really small things that went well for you today?  Keep it small and simple.  Did you enjoy smelling something fragrant on your way to work?  Did you make it to work safely and without incident?  Did you enjoy a nice breakfast or lunch today?  Did you enjoy seeing the sunrise? 

7 – Drink something warm or wash your hands under warm water.  Warmth can activate your parasympathetic nervous system and engage a relaxation response.

8 – Put your hands on your heart and say something nice, sweet, calming to yourself (inwardly or aloud).  You can also pat yourself around the collarbone area to engage the parasympathetic nervous system and acupressure points that engage a relaxation response as well.

9 – Exercise on a regular basis.  This releases all the feel-good chemicals and can balance you out more to relieve anxiety.  Do not set expectations too high; do what will work well for you (no comparisons).

10 – Watch less television, especially the news.  News triggers anxiety for many people and it can be beneficial to limit your exposure to the news.  Television in general can trigger and increase anxiety as a whole, so try to get out and live your life more fully and less vicariously through characters on TV.  TV is not the enemy and can be relaxing in moderation, but can be experienced as anxiety-provoking for some especially in large doses. 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice with offices in Doylestown, Pennsylvania and Midtown Manhattan, NYC. She specializes in working with people in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, intimacy issues, and related anxiety.  For more, please visit Kim’s ‘Finding Your Voice’ Blog.

Perfectionism

I recently listened to an interview with Brené Brown on Sounds True podcast, “Insights at the Edge,” during which she discusses perfectionism.  Dr. Brown defines perfectionism and reshapes it’s meaning for us all based on her research on vulnerability and shame.

In honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Week, which begins today, I thought I would share her insights and research findings on perfectionism, as they deeply resonate with me. 

Dr. Brown defines perfectionism as “a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: “If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

Perfectionism is defeating and self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. 

Perfection is an unattainable goal. 

Perfectionism is more about perception – we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable – there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying.

Perfectionism is addictive because when we do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it is because we were not perfect enough so rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to live, look, and do everything just right.

To overcome perfectionism we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the experiences of shame, judgment, and blame, and practice self-compassion.  When we can live compassionately and authentically, we begin to embrace our imperfections, rather than push them away and shame ourselves for having these vulnerabilities (we are only human after all). 

Take a few minutes today to search for talks given by Dr. Brown, begin reading one of her books, articles, or blogs, or listen to the Sounds True interview.  Give yourself permission to be imperfect.  Begin to cultivate a felt sense of healthy striving that feels more authentic than perfectionism.  Remember: You do not need to be perfect, only ‘good enough.’

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice with offices in Doylestown, Pennsylvania and Midtown Manhattan, NYC. She specializes in working with people in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, intimacy issues, and related anxiety.   For more, please visit Kim’s ‘Finding Your Voice’ Blog.

Eating Disorder Awareness Month

February is Eating Disorder Awareness Month.  I thought this would be a good opportunity to talk about ways you can help a loved one whom you suspect or know has an eating disorder.

If you suspect a loved one, friend, or co-worker to have an eating disorder, here is how you can help: 

Generally it is a good rule of thumb to let them take the lead.  If he/she mentions a struggle with weight, eating, or exercise, you can use this opportunity to simply let them know you are there to support and listen to them without judgment. 

Do not talk about how other people look, or how you want to lose weight, especially during mealtimes.  It seems to be a cultural phenomenon for people of all shapes, sizes, and genders to speak about weight loss, calories, and other peoples’ sizes, while eating.  “Oh my goodness, I shouldn’t eat that -- it must have a million calories!” (while consuming said food).  This takes the pleasure out of socializing and eating, while also making anyone with an eating disorder very uncomfortable to the point of not eating at all and possibly leaving. 

Do not suggest a diet, fix, treat, or cure.  It is tempting to offer advice, such as dieting or exercise to someone stating that he/she wants to lose weight.  Even with the best of intensions though, this is unhelpful, even if you only suspect this person may have an eating disorder.  An eating disorder is beyond simple dieting.  Someone struggling with an eating disorder typically knows a lot more than you would about diets, calories, and any suggestions you might make.  They are thinking about food, eating, exercise 24/7, even if this doesn’t seem obvious.

Suggest that this person seek professional support, but then drop it.  If you press someone about seeking help, they are less likely to take this advice and they will feel judged and/or watched.  Let them know you think it might be a good idea, but let them come to their own decision, in their own time.  There are more suggestions below for parents who are not able to wait any longer for the sake of their child’s health.

Do not be the food police.  Even though you have good intentions, the person you are trying to help and support will feel watched and judged by you if you start giving advice or guidance.  

Know your own limitations.  You can only help someone so much if they are not willing to seek help from other places.  You can listen, but be sure you are caring for yourself throughout the process.  You do not want to feel like his/her therapist because it can create resentment in both of you and damage a positive relationship for this person in need.  You think you’re doing well by them at first, but ultimately you may be taking away their biggest support (YOU!) when they need it most (later once they have gone into treatment with a professional). 

Focus on YOU as much as possible.  Remain patient with your loved one/friend and realize that the process of healing from an eating disorder will take time.  Recovery is day to day, moment to moment.  You can be there to listen and provide a distraction for the person by offering to do fun things with him/her when they are able and ready.

Plan fun, food-free activities.  So many social gatherings revolve around food.  Try suggesting other adventures to do with this friend or loved one.  You could go for a walk together.  You might suggest going to a concert without the obligatory dinner/lunch.  You could make an appointment at a spa and have a massage or get your eyebrows/nails done.

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For Parents or Caregivers Only:  (I do not suggest the following options to friends because it would be overstepping)

If you are a parent of a minor (or really a parent of any age child) with an eating disorder, these ideas change slightly.  If your child is dangerously overweight or underweight, you will have to be more involved in getting him/her a supportive professional team in place.  Typically, forcing someone of any age into treatment will be counterproductive, but when it comes to the health of a child, it is also needed at times. 

First, educate yourself about eating disorders.  Take time to learn about the basics of eating disorders. In order to be most helpful, you must be somewhat knowledgeable.  Eating disorders are a coping mechanism for an underlying stressor, so you might want to think about the stressors in your child’s life, without judgment or blame.   You can start by looking at the NEDA website: www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Try to allow enough time to give your child room to make the decision him/herself.  Follow the above ideas initially, but if your child does not reach out for help or assistance, you might need to speak with him/her more directly with love, kindness, and support.  Continue listening without blaming or threatening, and without making suggestions or giving advice (other than suggesting professional support).  Let the professional provide the guidance and make suggestions. 

You might want to research eating disorder specialists in your area.  If you find a good therapist, he/she will probably be able to suggest other practitioners in the area that could be useful, if necessary.  With eating disorders, the professional approach is often an integrative team approach, including a psychotherapist (eating disorder specialist), registered dietitian, psychiatrist, medical doctor, all with experience in working with eating disorders.

If you decide it is necessary to intervene and get your child into treatment against his/her will (initially), be sure to continue to focus on YOU.  Do all you can to calm yourself down before speaking with your child about this issue.  Plan how you are going to approach your child, so you can be prepared, focused, and as compassionate as possible.  You need to be calm, so your child can freak out.  Be sure to get the support you need in order to be productive with your child.  You may need to meet with a professional prior to speaking with your child to get information, reassurance, education, and support (this would not typically be the same professional that would work with your child).  Know that no matter how gentle, compassionate, and caring you are with your child in this situation, it will probably feel wrong in the moment.  Just do the best you can to be honest, compassionate, non-accusatory, and non-judgmental. 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice with offices in Doylestown, Pennsylvania and Midtown Manhattan, NYC. She specializes in working with people in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, intimacy issues, and related anxiety.  For more information, please visit her 'Finding Your Voice' Blog .

Overcoming Fear

Are you living from a place of fear? If you really pay close attention, do you notice ‘not enough’ thoughts sneeking in throughout the day? Fear can really bring you to a dark place and keep you stuck there. Fear can make you feel vulnerable and insecure. But no one talks about fear – it’s taboo – so we think we’re the only one feeling this way.

When we live our lives in fear of not having enough or fearing failure and/or success, we tend to unknowingly cultivate more fear. If we can start to see the world from a new angle and notice all the plenty and abundance already present, we are actually cultivating ‘more’ and fullness in our lives, and ultimately developing more happiness.

First, just notice your tendency to focus on or move toward ‘not enough’ in your daily life. One simple example from my life just happened today. I walked into a coffee shop and saw it was very full. Instead of ordering, as I would typically do first, I ran to throw my coat on a chair and save myself a seat, for fear that there wouldn’t be enough seating available after I ordered. Want to guess what happened once I sat down? Yup…several people left and a better table opened up than the one I anxiously grabbed upon entering. Now, this is a minor example, but it does clearly show that I was coming from a place of ‘not enough.' Be aware of times (big and small) when you have thoughts of ‘not enough’ pop up in your life.

Second, pay attention to how much you have in your life that is positive and abundant. Be grateful. It is not natural for our brains to focus on all the amazing things we have in our lives. Our brains are fixers.  They do everything in their power to fix problems, which often means they create problems that don't even exist.  When we spend time and energy focusing our thoughts on the positive and bringing more attention to what we are grateful for in our lives, it helps us recognize the positive more often and this makes us happier.  

Next time you feel ‘not enough,’ try to change your thoughts toward something positive that you have plenty of in your life….love (think of all the loved ones in your life), beauty (look around at nature and notice all the natural beauty that surrounds you on a daily basis). You get the idea….now go be enough, have enough, and try to view your life from a place of abundant gratitude.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with men and women in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth. Please visit Kim’s ‘Finding Your Voice’ blog at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1A