Overcoming Fear

Are you living from a place of fear? If you really pay close attention, do you notice ‘not enough’ thoughts sneeking in throughout the day? Fear can really bring you to a dark place and keep you stuck there. Fear can make you feel vulnerable and insecure. But no one talks about fear – it’s taboo – so we think we’re the only one feeling this way.

When we live our lives in fear of not having enough or fearing failure and/or success, we tend to unknowingly cultivate more fear. If we can start to see the world from a new angle and notice all the plenty and abundance already present, we are actually cultivating ‘more’ and fullness in our lives, and ultimately developing more happiness.

First, just notice your tendency to focus on or move toward ‘not enough’ in your daily life. One simple example from my life just happened today. I walked into a coffee shop and saw it was very full. Instead of ordering, as I would typically do first, I ran to throw my coat on a chair and save myself a seat, for fear that there wouldn’t be enough seating available after I ordered. Want to guess what happened once I sat down? Yup…several people left and a better table opened up than the one I anxiously grabbed upon entering. Now, this is a minor example, but it does clearly show that I was coming from a place of ‘not enough.' Be aware of times (big and small) when you have thoughts of ‘not enough’ pop up in your life.

Second, pay attention to how much you have in your life that is positive and abundant. Be grateful. It is not natural for our brains to focus on all the amazing things we have in our lives. Our brains are fixers.  They do everything in their power to fix problems, which often means they create problems that don't even exist.  When we spend time and energy focusing our thoughts on the positive and bringing more attention to what we are grateful for in our lives, it helps us recognize the positive more often and this makes us happier.  

Next time you feel ‘not enough,’ try to change your thoughts toward something positive that you have plenty of in your life….love (think of all the loved ones in your life), beauty (look around at nature and notice all the natural beauty that surrounds you on a daily basis). You get the idea….now go be enough, have enough, and try to view your life from a place of abundant gratitude.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with men and women in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth. Please visit Kim’s ‘Finding Your Voice’ blog at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1A

Are You Shoulding On Yourself?

Many of us spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how we should be feeling, what we should be doing, or what we should have done. Living in the land of shoulds usually makes us feel lost, wrong and/or bad.  It is rare that a should thought is positive in nature.  Most of our shoulds are a form of negative self-talk, a way we judge and put ourselves down.

The more time we spend reminding ourselves of the things we should be doing, the less motivated we become and the more anxious we feel about our lives.  This is because we are not honoring how we DO feel and what we ARE doing now.  Shoulds take us out of the present. We move away from what is true now and start contemplating the things we should have done in the past or the actions we should take in the future.  Living in the past or the future limits our ability to access our true power.  To transform your shoulds and ultimately feel more empowered in your life now, try the following:

First, take notice when you should yourself.  We often don’t even notice when we make these self-criticisms and self-judgments.

If you think it might be helpful, write down your personal list of shoulds, so that you can bring more awareness to them, not so you can judge your judgments.  Simply become aware with kindness; do not beat yourself up about your shoulds.  Your list may look something like this:

• I should eat better.


• I should be happy in this relationship.


• I should have gone for a walk instead of eating that cookie.

After you have taken some time to bring awareness to the fact that you do should on yourself at times, and you have identified some of these shoulds, start to explore what is present around the should.  You may want to write that down as well.  As you write, try to use the kind of language you might use with a very good friend.  Talk to yourself with compassion, love, and kindness.  Your list may look similar to this:

• Ok, I’m not eating well lately.  What is standing in my way?  Do I feel like I need to punish myself?  Why?  Do I want the way I feel emotionally to match the way I feel in the body?  Hmmm…Well, I am eating more junk food while I’m watching TV lately.  What’s that all about?  Maybe I’m feeling lonely and I watch TV to feel more connected and involved in life, but it just makes me feel more lonely and alone, so I eat to make myself feel better.  That isn’t really working though, is it?   (This can go on and on…)

• I’m just not happy in this relationship.  What do I feel?  What am I feeling right now?  It is not wrong if need something different or something more right now.  I feel really sad because I feel pressure to be happy and I’m not.  Maybe I can explore that sadness at my own pace and try not to just push it down or hold it inside so much.

• Yes, I originally wanted to go for a walk, but I ate the cookie instead.  Okay.  Let’s not be hard on myself and just start over.  I’m still a good person and I do love myself enough not to beat myself up for a slip.  Breathe and let go.

Moving forward continue to notice the next time (and the many times after) you use a should.  Notice.  Pause.  Slow down.  Breathe deeply a few times.  Bring yourself into the present.  Give yourself permission to feel the way you do now – it isn’t wrong.   Honor your true feelings.

It takes practice, learning to pause and not get dragged down by what seems to be wrong.  When we put down the ideas of what life shouldbe, we are free to truly see our life as it is now.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Cultivating Gratitude

Isn’t it interesting how easily we seem to absorb the negative things in life, yet the positives just slip away? It’s as though the compliments, positive feedback, and the small things that bring us joy in life just slips through our fingers like water. Why is it so hard to hold onto the positives, while it is so easy to hold onto the negatives?

We tend to focus on the things that keep us alive. Think about it – if something negative happens, you want to remember that in the future in order to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. Right? It all goes back many years ago and evolutionarily our brains just haven’t changed all that much. We absorb and integrate what keeps us alive – how to avoid getting attacked by a tiger – and forget the wonderful, joyous, and lovely positives because we do not need to hold onto them in order to live.

Focusing on the negative aspects of life causes great anxiety in some people. To help relieve some of this anxiety, we need to adapt our way of thinking. We must focus more on the positive and let go of the negatives much more consciously.

In order to cultivate a more positive mindset, start a gratitude journal. Try it for a week and notice any differences that may occur in this short time. Continue if it seems to work well for you.

Naturally, you will continue to notice the negatives; I promise they will not go away fully. However, your focus will hopefully change and you’ll start to notice more of the positives that occur throughout your day.

Gratitude Journaling:
• Write down at least 5 different things you are grateful or thankful for today.
• Try not to repeat items, but if you have to occasionally it’s okay.
• It is really about noticing all the amazing things that happen on a daily basis that don’t seem to get much attention. It also may create a desire to slow down and take advantage of certain things that you wouldn’t usually take time for in your day.
• Examples:
o I am grateful for the fact that I woke up this morning.
o I am thankful for seeing such a beautiful sunrise and taking the time to enjoy it.
o I am grateful for my morning cup of coffee.
o I am thankful for having healthy legs that carry me places all day long.


Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Anxiety's Grip

Five easy things to try when you are feeling anxious:

5 – Listen to music!  Find some music you haven’t listened to in quite some time.  It may just bring a smile to your face, make you dance or laugh.  Use music to help you get motivated to do something you’ve been meaning to do for a while – and then, do it.  Or, just listen to music that distract you and keeps you from thinking too much.

4 - Turn off the TV!  I know this won’t be a popular one, but we think that television has a calming effect on us and it doesn’t.  Studies show that watching TV actually shows less brain activity than sleeping.  TV is actually stressing us out, especially the news.  Try limiting yourself to one hour a day of television and don’t watch anything that may upset you (like the news) before you go to bed.

3 – Start writing.  Write about your emotions – what are you feeling right now.  Whenever you’re feeling anxious, take out a journal and write about other emotions/feelings going on for you at the same time.  You can even take this time to draw or paint – it doesn’t have to make sense, just create something for yourself and allow your inner child to express him/herself.  Try to let it be about the process of expression and not the product.

2 – Reconnect with your body.  Exercise is a good way to relieve anxiety and stress because you are paying attention to your body and realizing that you have a body.  We are often walking around like floating heads, living almost entirely in our minds and brains and neglecting to recognize that we also have a body.  Sometimes we want to ignore our body because we feel it betrayed us or we have some hatred toward it, so we don’t want to live in it.  Start slow if this last description seems to fit you.  Sometimes gentle forms of exercise like walking and yoga can feel better than a hard workout at the gym.  Do what works best for you at the moment and don’t worry about breaking your normal routine.  Changing your routine may actually help in reducing your anxiety as well.  Also, keep in mind that too much of anything, even healthy things like exercise, can actually be unhealthy – BALANCE is the key.

1 – BREATHE!  Another great way of reconnecting to your body is breathing.  Take a moment whenever you’re feeling anxiety, panic, or fear and put both feet flat on the floor and then just take a few slow, deep breaths.  Focus all your attention on your breath.  Follow the air as it goes in through your nostrils, into your lungs, and out of your mouth.  Notice the rise of fall of your belly as you breathe.  Slow down!  Take the time to listen to your body, rather than your mind for a moment.  You might be amazed at what you discover by just being in the moment.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Self-Compassion

Why do we frequently beat ourselves up in our heads?  Have you ever really listened to how you talk to yourself?  When you notice your inner voice, it usually isn’t pretty.  We tend to be much more critical of and downright mean to ourselves than we would ever be to another person.  Many of us seem to think we need to speak to ourselves in this rude and demeaning way in order to keep us in line.

“If I didn’t speak to myself this way, I might fail.”

“If I wasn’t constantly yelling at myself, I’d probably just eat everything in sight and be so gross.” 

“…I would probably never wash the dishes.” 

The list goes on and on…

I have heard this type of rationale from clients for years and have certainly been there myself as well.  We all seem to do this (at least everyone I know) but no one talks about it.  Why?

Somehow we think that if we are nice to ourselves in our self-talk, we will not be successful or not follow through on things we want in life.  Somehow we will do exactly the opposite of what we really want to do.  We have to yell at ourselves and sometimes even punish ourselves in order to stay on track.

I am asking you to experiment with another way.  You are not signing a contract or anything, I’m just asking you to try the following three steps and determine if a compassionate approach might work better.

Step One

Notice your own thoughts and try to be aware of how you talk to yourself.  Notice if you tend to talk down to yourself or if you are incredibly kind and gentle.  If you are kind, gentle and loving toward yourself in your thoughts, you can stop here – that’s wonderful.  I bet most, if not all, of you are not noticing a lot of loving-kindness though, are you?  You are probably hearing a lot of nasty comments and they may even be shocking.  You may not have noticed the way in which you talk to yourself before.  Many of us talk to ourselves and don’t have any awareness of it at all.  That’s okay.  You are starting to be aware now and that means you are at least halfway to being nicer to yourself.

Step Two

Once you notice your inner dialogue, you can slowly start to change it.  When you are aware of negative self-talk, try replacing it with something more compassionate and kind toward yourself.   You do not have to be perfect.  You will not catch yourself very often at first, but you will become more aware with time.  Even if you can make this conscious change once a week or once a day, you’re cultivating more awareness.  There are not giant leaps here, just baby steps.

Step Three

Once you have tried this for a while, notice if your worst fear happens.  Are you really not accomplishing anything?  Did you really eat everything in sight?  Is the sink filled with dishes that haven’t been done for months?  OR, do you notice a lighter feeling?  Are you freer?  Is there less pressure on your shoulders? Can you breath more fully now?  Is there less anxiety?

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.