New Year, New You - Part I

“Life is a journey, not a destination.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Keep this in mind throughout 2015, especially as you attempt to makes some changes in your life.

 Here are a few new ideas to aim for in 2015:

1. Rather than make any resolutions this year, try to set daily intentions for yourself.  This helps you take one day or one moment at a time, rather than the entire year all at once. 

People usually do not succeed with their New Year’s resolutions because they try to change too much all at the same time.  Learn from this mistake and slow down and be nicer to yourself.  Take little bit by little bit and make longer lasting change in your life and over your lifetime.

I think it is most helpful when you write down your intentions, but some people find it effective just to state them inwardly to him/herself each morning before getting out of bed.  Whatever works for you is great.  Set your intention by saying or writing down something like,

“My intention for today is to… 1. Drink only one cup of caffeinated coffee.  2. Exercise at the gym for at least 30 minutes.  3. Meditate for at least 10 minutes before going to bed tonight.  4. Watch only one hour of television.  5. Read at least one chapter in my book.

2. Reduce your intake of caffeine.  People often come to me because they notice a heightened sense of anxiety.  It seems most of the people in this country are anxious lately.  One of the first things I ask people to do is to start paying attention to how you feel with and without so much caffeine.  Just experiment for a period of time and you will notice how revved up and anxious you probably get while drinking too much coffee or any caffeinated beverage (sodas, energy drinks, etc.).  

I have noticed a huge difference in myself when it comes to cutting back on caffeine, and I bet you will too.  If I mindfully decide to have a coffee, I make it small and drink it slowly.  Still I notice how jittery it makes me now that I no longer drink it regularly.  It definitely increases my anxiety and acts like a drug in my system.  Notice for yourself!

NOTE: Do not go off these beverages cold turkey.  If you drink a few cups of coffee per day, cut back to two, then make the sizes smaller, and eventually cut down to one cup per day over time.  You will feel withdrawal effects, such as headaches, because your body has become accustomed to getting a specific jolt daily.  

There is more to come in Part II of New Year, New You...

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working primarily with women in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Visit my 'Finding Your Voice' blog at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1n.

Tips to Having a Happy Thanksgiving 2014

Well, the holidays have snuck up on us again this year. Thanksgiving is already upon us and we are getting stressed out! Here are a few tips to decrease your stress around this holiday:

Use this time of year to begin (or restart) a gratitude journal. Focus on the positive aspects of each day, rather than the negative. After all, it is THANKS-giving, isn’t it? Let this be a new beginning for you and approach the holiday with a newfound joy and gratitude for all you have in life.

Do not think too far ahead. Stay as present as possible and try not to think too far in advance about Thanksgiving dinner or the upcoming holiday season. Stick with one thing at a time (as much as possible). For example, if you are creating a menu, focus only on creating the menu and do not over think the upcoming shopping trip.

Ask for help. Women tend to want to show their love around the holidays by doing it all, and doing it all by themselves. Try something new this year and try asking for help. Get others involved more and take some of the burden off yourself so you can actually enjoy the holiday too. Asking for help is an act of strength, not weakness. Getting others involved makes them feel useful and a part of the festivities.  I guarantee that people are not thinking that you should be able to do it all alone – that is only in your mind. Just try it out this year as something new, and I bet you’ll be surprised.

Breathe and connect to your body whenever you remember. Taking the time to refresh yourself and take a breather will clear your mind and help you more productive in the long run. Remember to take micro-breaks throughout the holiday season.

Try to enjoy yourself this year and don’t get bogged down in the stress. Good luck!

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with men and women in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit her blog, "Finding Your Voice" at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1f

Secrets To A Happy Long-Term Relationship - Part II

Indulge yourself.  This may seem counterintuitive, but it works. Generally, we help care for one another in relationships, but this only truly works well when you are also continuing to care for and about yourself. Take the time to do something for you and only you at least once a week (I’d prefer once daily, but this may seem like a giant goal for some).  This does not have to be something expensive or timely.  It is just about mindfully spending time and energy on you - the most important person in your life.

Sometimes we relate self-indulgence with selfishness, but this is another misconception.  Taking the time to make yourself happy by taking a walk, going to the gym, or listening to your favorite music, ultimately makes you better at everything you do.  It will ultimately make you a better mom/dad, co-worker, boss, friend and partner because you are calmer and more present with others.  Self-sacrificing will eventually lead to low energy, burnout, fatigue, and negative moods.  Try adding more self-indulgence into your day/week/year and notice how it benefits your relationship.

Secrets To A Happy Long-Term Relationship - Part I

There are a few things that stand out when it comes to having a happy long-term relationship.  This is the first of a series about secrets to a happy long-term relationship.

One way to remain happy together is to be separate too.  Having time and interests to yourself mean that you are autonomous and a separate individual in the relationship.  Healthy, positive relationships are a coming together of two full people, not a merging a two half-people making a whole.  This is a myth – period.

Generally, couples struggle when it comes to finding the balance between togetherness and separateness. When couples are experiencing trouble in their relationship, they often try to spend more time together and become inseparable.  This is a common, but ineffective, solution.  Of course you will continue to spend quality time together as a couple, but it does not need to be every waking moment – it is all about balance.  Studies show that desire for one’s partner comes when there is some distance and space.  So go out and enjoy your own hobbies!

Watch this video for more infomation:  http://on.ted.com/Perel 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.

Breaking Habits

I just finished reading the book "The Power Of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and thought I would share some of the powerful take-aways I have from this book.  It feels so good continue learning and growing in life and as a therapist.  I enjoy sharing the new research findings I come across, and this book opened my eyes to many new ways of thinking about habit forming and habit breaking.  I have already found this useful in my own life, and now hope sharing this information will be helpful in leading others to this book to read for themselves.  Here are a few of the major points I found interesting from "The Power of Habit":

• The reason for habits is to help the brain function automatically whenever possible to save energy.


• You can’t just stop a habit, you have to replace it with another habit.


• The habit loop consists of the Cue/Trigger - Routine - Reward


• To break a habit, you must determine the cue and reward and then change the routine.

Example: if the cue is biting your finger nails, why are you biting your nails?  Boredom, anxiety, tension?  Once you determine the cue or trigger, what is the habit’s reward?  Physical stimulation or a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment?  Now, what could you do to relieve boredom and/or anxiety and get a similar reward?

The first step is becoming mindful and aware of your actions.  To help do this, get an index card to carry with you throughout the days for about a week. When you begin to engage in the habit (i.e. biting finger nails) make a hatch mark on the index card.  This helps build your awareness of the cue/trigger.  Once aware of the cue, try to change the habit of biting your nails to something like gently rubbing your jaw to relieve the tension or tap your fingers on a desk to produce a physical response.  This will result in a similar reward, overriding the old habit with a new one.

• For habits to permanently change, people must believe that change is possible.  Groups are helpful in building and holding onto the power of belief because each individual member of the group sees other people able to make changes, therefore realizing it is possible for them too.  Belief is easier when it occurs within a community.

Example: If you want to quit smoking, figure out a different routine that will satisfy the cravings filled by the cigarettes.  Then, find a support system, a collection of other former smokers, or a social circle free of nicotine that will be there for you when you might stumble and help you believe you can make this change.

Happy Changing Habits in the New Year 2013!

 

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with women and men in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.