Overcoming Fear

Are you living from a place of fear? If you really pay close attention, do you notice ‘not enough’ thoughts sneeking in throughout the day? Fear can really bring you to a dark place and keep you stuck there. Fear can make you feel vulnerable and insecure. But no one talks about fear – it’s taboo – so we think we’re the only one feeling this way.

When we live our lives in fear of not having enough or fearing failure and/or success, we tend to unknowingly cultivate more fear. If we can start to see the world from a new angle and notice all the plenty and abundance already present, we are actually cultivating ‘more’ and fullness in our lives, and ultimately developing more happiness.

First, just notice your tendency to focus on or move toward ‘not enough’ in your daily life. One simple example from my life just happened today. I walked into a coffee shop and saw it was very full. Instead of ordering, as I would typically do first, I ran to throw my coat on a chair and save myself a seat, for fear that there wouldn’t be enough seating available after I ordered. Want to guess what happened once I sat down? Yup…several people left and a better table opened up than the one I anxiously grabbed upon entering. Now, this is a minor example, but it does clearly show that I was coming from a place of ‘not enough.' Be aware of times (big and small) when you have thoughts of ‘not enough’ pop up in your life.

Second, pay attention to how much you have in your life that is positive and abundant. Be grateful. It is not natural for our brains to focus on all the amazing things we have in our lives. Our brains are fixers.  They do everything in their power to fix problems, which often means they create problems that don't even exist.  When we spend time and energy focusing our thoughts on the positive and bringing more attention to what we are grateful for in our lives, it helps us recognize the positive more often and this makes us happier.  

Next time you feel ‘not enough,’ try to change your thoughts toward something positive that you have plenty of in your life….love (think of all the loved ones in your life), beauty (look around at nature and notice all the natural beauty that surrounds you on a daily basis). You get the idea….now go be enough, have enough, and try to view your life from a place of abundant gratitude.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with men and women in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth. Please visit Kim’s ‘Finding Your Voice’ blog at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1A

New Year New You - Part II

 Let's continue to talk about ways to feel better in 2015:

3. Be grateful.  Start focusing on the positive more than the negative.  As human beings, we are naturally more focused on the negative because this is a big part of what keeps us alive.  Our brains are wired and programmed to find the negative and try to fix it.  Being aware that this is a main job of our brain helps us take notice of it more and more each day. 

It takes a bit of effort to focus more attention on the positive and try not to let it all just slip through our fingers like water.  Do your best each day to hold onto the positive aspects of your life and shine a ray of light on each and every one of them.  One way to start this is to write a gratitude journal – write down 5 things each day that brought you joy or made you thankful.  They can be simple and mundane occurrences throughout your day.

4. Eliminate sugary drinks.  I am not asking you to eliminate sugar altogether, just sugary drinks because they are the most influential on your insulin production and demanding on your pancreas.  In other words, sugary drinks seem to be a leading cause of obesity and diabetes.  These drinks include anything with sugar in the ingredient list, like sodas, sports drinks, and fruit juices. 

Try not to switch to diet drinks because studies have shown that the fake sugars tend to make you desire more sweets in your daily intake.  Try it for yourself and notice if you crave more sugary items when drinking diet drinks – I did.  These fake sugars also seem to confuse the body because they are not natural. 

Again, similar to cutting back on caffeine, you may not want to eliminate sugary drinks all at once.  You may be more successful cutting back to having one soda a few days per week, rather than a soda everyday.  Then, drink only one soda per week and so forth.  Try to make your goals attainable so you are successful.

5. Drink Water.  Many people drink sugary drinks as if it is water, but it is not water.  Drink more good-old-fashioned H2O for hydration.  Increasing your consumption of water will likely increase your energy level and your metabolism.  Try it out and notice if you feel differently after a week or so.

If you are aiming to lose weight, this is also an excellent way to aid in weight loss.  When we binge or emotionally eat, we are often just thirsty and in need of hydration.  If you can slow down and drink a glass of water before reaching for that bag of chips or cookies, you might realize you do not want food at all and are satisfied with the water. 

Many of the ideas for this 'New Year, New You' segment were stimulated by reading John Ratey and Richard Manning's new book entitled, "Go Wild: Free Your Body and Mind From the Afflictions of Civilization."  If you are up for a good read during these cold winter months, I recommend highly recommend this one.

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working primarily with women in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Visit my 'Finding Your Voice' blog at https://kimberlyatwood.wordpress.com/2015/01/08/new-year-new-your-part-ii/

New Year, New You - Part I

“Life is a journey, not a destination.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Keep this in mind throughout 2015, especially as you attempt to makes some changes in your life.

 Here are a few new ideas to aim for in 2015:

1. Rather than make any resolutions this year, try to set daily intentions for yourself.  This helps you take one day or one moment at a time, rather than the entire year all at once. 

People usually do not succeed with their New Year’s resolutions because they try to change too much all at the same time.  Learn from this mistake and slow down and be nicer to yourself.  Take little bit by little bit and make longer lasting change in your life and over your lifetime.

I think it is most helpful when you write down your intentions, but some people find it effective just to state them inwardly to him/herself each morning before getting out of bed.  Whatever works for you is great.  Set your intention by saying or writing down something like,

“My intention for today is to… 1. Drink only one cup of caffeinated coffee.  2. Exercise at the gym for at least 30 minutes.  3. Meditate for at least 10 minutes before going to bed tonight.  4. Watch only one hour of television.  5. Read at least one chapter in my book.

2. Reduce your intake of caffeine.  People often come to me because they notice a heightened sense of anxiety.  It seems most of the people in this country are anxious lately.  One of the first things I ask people to do is to start paying attention to how you feel with and without so much caffeine.  Just experiment for a period of time and you will notice how revved up and anxious you probably get while drinking too much coffee or any caffeinated beverage (sodas, energy drinks, etc.).  

I have noticed a huge difference in myself when it comes to cutting back on caffeine, and I bet you will too.  If I mindfully decide to have a coffee, I make it small and drink it slowly.  Still I notice how jittery it makes me now that I no longer drink it regularly.  It definitely increases my anxiety and acts like a drug in my system.  Notice for yourself!

NOTE: Do not go off these beverages cold turkey.  If you drink a few cups of coffee per day, cut back to two, then make the sizes smaller, and eventually cut down to one cup per day over time.  You will feel withdrawal effects, such as headaches, because your body has become accustomed to getting a specific jolt daily.  

There is more to come in Part II of New Year, New You...

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working primarily with women in their 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Visit my 'Finding Your Voice' blog at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1n.

Tips to Having a Happy Thanksgiving 2014

Well, the holidays have snuck up on us again this year. Thanksgiving is already upon us and we are getting stressed out! Here are a few tips to decrease your stress around this holiday:

Use this time of year to begin (or restart) a gratitude journal. Focus on the positive aspects of each day, rather than the negative. After all, it is THANKS-giving, isn’t it? Let this be a new beginning for you and approach the holiday with a newfound joy and gratitude for all you have in life.

Do not think too far ahead. Stay as present as possible and try not to think too far in advance about Thanksgiving dinner or the upcoming holiday season. Stick with one thing at a time (as much as possible). For example, if you are creating a menu, focus only on creating the menu and do not over think the upcoming shopping trip.

Ask for help. Women tend to want to show their love around the holidays by doing it all, and doing it all by themselves. Try something new this year and try asking for help. Get others involved more and take some of the burden off yourself so you can actually enjoy the holiday too. Asking for help is an act of strength, not weakness. Getting others involved makes them feel useful and a part of the festivities.  I guarantee that people are not thinking that you should be able to do it all alone – that is only in your mind. Just try it out this year as something new, and I bet you’ll be surprised.

Breathe and connect to your body whenever you remember. Taking the time to refresh yourself and take a breather will clear your mind and help you more productive in the long run. Remember to take micro-breaks throughout the holiday season.

Try to enjoy yourself this year and don’t get bogged down in the stress. Good luck!

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with men and women in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit her blog, "Finding Your Voice" at http://wp.me/p2H9sB-1f

Secrets to a Happy Long-Term Relationship - Part III

Another common misconception is that a long-term couple’s sex life remains as active and passionate as the day they met.  If not, there is something wrong.  Again, this is not the case.  One way to keep the passion and desire alive in a long-term relationship is to plan it.  Contrary to popular belief, you can plan times to be passionate (in addition to being spontaneous).

Studies show that within long-term relationships, arousal is often secondary to getting started.  Often, women and even some men, do not have as much sexual desire until after they start “fooling around.”  So, just take the initiative or go with it even when you are not feeling particularly frisky.  You might be surprised.  (Note: If you do not become aroused after some time however, please do not continue.)

Kimberly Atwood is a psychotherapist in private practice in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She specializes in working with men and women in their late teens, 20’s and 30’s dealing with eating disorders, sexual and relationship issues, anxiety, life transitions and personal growth.  Please visit www.Kimberlyatwood.com for more information.